Recipe for the College Experience

By: Olivia McClymonds

Serves: 1 stressed, sleep-deprived college graduate

Prep Time: 4 years (though may extend to 5 if overcooked)

Ingredients:

• 1 mountain of tuition bills, garnished with interest

• 6–8 professors: a mix of inspiring, terrifying, and “who even are you?”

• 3 roommates, equal parts chaos, comfort, and friendship

• 2 all-nighters per week, finely ground

• Unlimited coffee, energy drinks, and questionable dining hall food

• 1 pinch of homesickness, tasting faintly of old bedroom walls and late-night phone calls

• 2 majors or 1 major plus 3 existential crises – chef’s choice

• Several deadlines: burnt, crumpled, or missed entirely

• 1 cap and gown, slightly wrinkled

• Optional garnish: lifelong friends, if recipe is followed correctly

Directions:

1. Preheat brain to “overwhelmed” and wallet to “empty.”

2. In a large, messy dorm room, mix roommates with caffeine. Stir until loud and chaotic. Expect spillage.

3. Slowly fold in lectures, readings, and labs. Do not overmix — procrastination adds necessary texture.

4. Add one heaping spoonful of homesickness, but balance it out with laughter at 2 a.m. over movies that are terrible but feel perfect.

5. Sprinkle in late-night conversations about love, purpose, and whether a hot dog is a sandwich.

6. Whisk in friendships — some will be light and fluffy, others dense and lasting. Let them rise over time.

7. Simmer for 8 semesters, stirring frequently with stress, doubt, and bursts of joy.

8. Halfway through, add three heaping cups of “What am I doing with my life?” Stir vigorously, then ignore until it boils over.

9. Near the end, carefully fold in job applications and interviews. Warning: mixture may separate.

10. Remove from heat, put on cap and gown, and season with applause, relief, and bittersweet goodbyes.

Serving suggestion:

Best enjoyed with your chosen family of friends, the professors who believed in you, and the quiet pride of realizing you made it through. Even if you don’t have everything figured out, savor what you’ve created – a messy, beautiful masterpiece worth every sleepless night. Serve with nostalgia on the side, and garnish generously with hope for whatever comes next.