The Ghosts of a Shared Space

by Alyssa O'Kelley

We were doomed from the start, you and me.

Every day, I fought the battle to gain your trust

Only to go one step forward and two steps back into trouble.

You thought you could create peace 

Keeping me locked out as I asked desperately to be let in. 

I didn’t even know I hurt you. 

My words hurt you. 

Hoping to make it right, I’m sorry fell out of me

And straight in 

To your court, ready for you to hand me the verdict of trust. 

You said you wanted normalcy, civility, and a sense of peace.

I foolishly believed that as you invented internal trouble.

Created, harbored, and shouted to everyone about this trouble 

For which I knew nothing about, yet I stood by patiently waiting as you 

Scurried across the hall, searching for peace.   

Your need for support got me 

Kicked out by those I trust.

And as my replacement, you waltzed right in. 

That was the end of whatever we were. Your inability 

to recognize your hypocrisy drove me to trouble. 

There was no trust. 

So it was finalized, and friends ran to you.

Only one, in my corner, on my side, left for me.

Though you do not know it, this time of my life had no peace. 

You became a stranger to me and I to you, both pretending at peace.

We danced clumsily around each other in 

The rooms we shared. You never quite looked at me. 

Just under the surface lingered constant trouble.

I made myself small because of you.

Anxiety overwhelmed me and shattered my trust. 

I always second-guess; I will never trust.

Life never feels right, even when there is peace.

Because of you,

I now go in

Preparing always for the worst, always assuming trouble. 

The person I once was is gone; I will never be me.  

I finally understand why you chose “moving out” to end this conflict.

It is because you have never known true peace as your head is constantly filled with trouble.  

Yet, you will live forever in me and I, forever, in you.