Death Uses My Desk

by Brianna Morris

Death used my desk. And still is using my desk. I woke up one night. Normal night, just woke up. 

And there… he? There she was…? They? Technically, it’s a they, since death wouldn’t be exclusively a “she” or “he”, or would they? And I’m pretty sure they left that note for me in the morning when I somehow went back to sleep to wake up to— Okay, I’m getting out of order.

When I first saw… him? Her? Them? Eim? I like eim. The others don’t fit. When I first saw eim, I wasn’t scared or anything. I was calm. Eim was calm. A void of all my other senses besides my sight, I wouldn’t be able to tell this story after all. No smell, sounds, feeling of textures or taste of air.

Obviously, it was surreal. Not like my fingers or toes tingle, just equal awareness. I immediately knew who eiy were. Eir immediately knew that I knew and I was awake. Eiy didn’t seem to care, or at least react in any visible way. 

My room was dark, especially with the blue walls and the only light source being the moonlight from the window; however, eim stood out. Moonlight didn’t affect eir appearance like physics should. No light reflected onto eiy cloak, nor any shadows behind eim or laid from the folds in their cloak. A clear figure occupying the space between my chair and my desk, writing away…. most likely writing away.

I… wasn’t uncomfortable. The silence was sweet, I could see eim so no need to immediately fear. Besides, moonlight was always my fancy. It’s fun to look at and explore my backyard at night when I can't get sleep. 

Maybe it’s the same here. I don’t know why eir’s at my desk, eir just was. Usually, I sit there to do homework or doodle. It was a comfy desk, perfect for me.

Eventually, my nose tingled with chamomile aroma. My skin cooled as the breeze flowed around my room. I licked my lips, man they’re dry. I grip my navy comforter, hearing the cover shift and wrinkle against my legs, tracing the golden thread with my hand. I think I smiled briefly, before snapping my attention back. 

Eir’s back continued to block me. Still couldn’t exactly see or hear what eim was doing.

I did try to stretch my neck up and torso around to see what eiy was doing. I didn’t care if I was being noisy with the covers crumbling at every movement. I was just curious. Who wouldn’t?

Atlas, it was still night time though, I just woke up in the middle of resting obviously. It didn’t take much blinking to see eir disappear. Left behind was a pen from my pen-holder. 

Eir was definitely writing then. Didn’t hear the pen rattling off at the desk… Was I imagining it? 

No. I remember everything so vividly that it couldn’t be a dream…. Especially how…. vivid Death was? Is that ironic? Or maybe they weren’t Death? Maybe it was a person wearing a cloak that could have broken in through my window and just sat at my desk to write for a bit before realizing I was awake and then dipped? Mm... Yeah, no. Now that would just be weird. Like, unnecessary and stretching-the-truth-type weird.

Eir came again tonight.

This time I could still smell and feel my bed and the cool air. I could taste the toothpaste I used before bed and hear soft scratching from in front of them. Everything else was absent. Does eiy know I like the silence or are they trying to stop me from finding out what eirs doing? Should I even be awake right now? I wasn’t trying to stay up, but I would be lying if I wasn’t hoping to catch a glimpse of eim.

“Am I supposed to see you?”

Eiy said nothing. Still at the desk, writing away… 

The sound stopped, briefly, the head of the cloak turned slightly. I try to follow their gaze, though the sight is blocked by the darkness of eir cloak.. Or is it eir back? Yes, in books and movies, they show death with a cloak, but… what if it’s eir body? The darkness it seems, always shifting like sand in the desert, always coiling and taking up my little chair in its entirety, and yet isn’t imposing, it’s shaped and elegant like silk. It’s not shiny, it’s like the void of the night sky, dark and constantly growing darker. 

Oh wait, my doodle! Earlier today, I drew it during lunch. I didn’t tell anyone, but I couldn’t help it. When I came home, I dumped my backpack out on my desk to do my homework. It must have ended up there too. Eiy must have saw it. Do they like it? Is it offensive? Mom did say some people could be sensitive about their appearance and what “likeness” is. Is it how much someone likes themselves? Well, I like how Death looks. “You’re pretty.”

Eiy stops writing. The cloaked stranger gets up from my chair. Eiy larger than last time, or maybe they were that size already. I don’t know. Something moves out of its darkness and reveals an object: a cane. It was pretty just like Death. It was wooden, covered in ribbons, grass, berries, and bells. I couldn’t hear them jingle but they did. I smile, so pretty. I wished I had one. Wait, does that mean Death doesn’t use a scythe? Or maybe… this isn’t death at all. Something else? Eiy sinks into the floor, silently as a howl from an owl and hiss of wind blowing grass returns to my ears. I yawn, rubbing my eyes. 

Eiy took the doodle. They must have liked it.

Eiy came back again, and again. I didn’t wake up every night. Maybe they didn’t come on the nights I was asleep. Curiosity kept rising from me. I think I was being brave too. I tried to talk to eim. I asked Death about eir day, what do eiy do, why eiy is here, do eiy have parents, and anything else I could think of. Sometimes I fell asleep during eir visits. But I don’t want to go to sleep, I want to know. I want to know about them.

Finally, after a month or two, the silence breaks between us. “Your desk. It was built from a tree. A tree near and dear to me. Writing here… on them… Is a comfort.” Eim spoke… Eim spoke! It sounded…. Unworldly. Deep, but high, quick, yet loud…

“Can you still visit?”

Eir turned slowly, fog puffing as I could finally fully see the face of death.

It wasn’t bad, kinda thought I would die if I looked at it, but part of me didn’t, because why would I? This is the personification of death, right? Not like they caused it or anything. Mm…. Probably…. Hopefully…. 

Eir nodded, tapping his cane on the ground. The floor opens up, cane burning into a softly glowing lantern and swallowing them whole before sinking back to the ground.

They really do have a flair for the dramatics, hah hah.