River and Me

by Olivia Capino

Growing up with a single parent meant my brother and I spent a lot of time at other people’s houses. Mom worked late, so we bounced between grandparents, neighbors, daycare. We didn’t mind – in fact, we loved it. Especially when we were really young and spent most of our days at Ms. Karen’s house. Her house was warm and welcoming – her presence made it that way. Even though we were just daycare kids she watched for a few hours each day, she loved us like her own. She remembered what foods each of us liked or didn’t like, the blankets we favored for naptime. I loved the days spent with Ms Karen. But my absolute favorite part was the daily movie we watched right before the little kids laid down for a nap. 

It was a rotating system – we each got designated days to pick the movie. There were a few repeat favors among us – Open Season, The Mask, Alice in Wonderland, Finding Nemo. But the one I remember watching the most was The Sandlot. All of us loved it – it was about kids like us, playing baseball, having adventures. On the days we watched it, we would always excitedly tell Mom about it when she came to pick us up. We couldn’t help but ecstatically recount the plot to her, no matter how many times she had heard it or seen the movie herself. One warm summer night, after listening to my brother and me gush over the movie once again, she said, “When you two are older, I’ll have to show you Stand by Me.”  

River Jude Bottom was born on August 23, 1970, in Oregon to Aryln and John, who had been married for less than a year. Over the next eight years, the family would add four more members: Rain, Leaf (later changed to Joaquin), Liberty, and Summer. When he was a kid, the family moved across the country into a “desperate situation,” as River once described it. In 1973, the Bottoms, with young River and Rain, settled in Venezuela with the religious cult Children of God. The family ended up staying until 1978, when increasing sexual violence among the group forced them to leave. During this time, River and his siblings were often forced to perform on street corners for money and food to support the growing family and the cult.

After fleeing the cult, the family moved back to the United States, where the four siblings kept performing for spare change. Aryln got a job as a secretary working at NBC. The family changed their last name to Phoenix, a reference to the mythical bird, to show their triumph over adversity. It was then, singing on a street corner in Los Angeles, that the Phoenix children were spotted by talent agent Iris Burton, who then chose to manage all four.

As I got older, I never forgot Mom’s promise. I began to steep in anticipation, waiting for the day I would be old enough to watch Stand by Me. In the meantime, my mom showed me other movies – The Goonies, Back to the Future, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Outsiders. With every movie we watched, she would promise to show me other movies, ones that were too mature for kids. Stand by Me was always on the list, among the likes of Dirty Dancing, Tombstone, The Breakfast Club. Movies were always special to us, but watching 80s movies with my mom always felt extra special. It always felt like she was sharing something personal, sacred.   

Between 1980 and 1985, River’s acting career blossomed. He started by starring in commercials but soon moved onto television. He starred in TV shows like Seven Brides for Seven Brothers and made-for-TV movies like Celebrity and Robert Kennedy and His Times. Despite having small parts, River made an impact on audiences. In 1984, he secured his film debut in Joe Dante’s Explorers, alongside Ethan Hawke. Two years later, he had his breakout role – Chris Chambers in Rob Reiner’s Stand by Me.  

After years of my begging, my mom gave in. A random summer night drive took us to Walmart, where we found the DVD in a bin. It was fate – it was a warm summer night, and I was the same age as the kids in the movie. We popped it into the DVD player, and my life was changed. “I was twelve going on thirteen the first time I saw a dead body,” the voice of adult Gordie Lachance said. An indescribable feeling washed over me, and for the next hour and a half, I was engrossed. These four boys, living in 1959, spoke to me in a way I would have never expected. I loved how raw and real it was, showing the good and the bad. They were misfits, a little like my friends and me. “Do you think I’m weird?” “Definitely.” “No, man, seriously. Am I weird?” “Yeah, but so what? Everybody’s weird.” I was especially captivated by the character of Chris Chambers, the so-called “bad kid” among his friends. I had known some of who River Phoenix was before watching, but seeing his performance was another thing entirely. It was striking, such a young person delivering a powerful and moving performance. My mom and I cried together throughout the second half of the film, especially when Gordie revealed that Chris had died. 

“It’s so sad he passed in real life,” my mom said, as Chris Chambers faded away. My grief came back, stronger than before. I began to sob.  

On the evening of October 30th, 1993, River, his girlfriend Samantha Mathis, his brother Joaquin, and his sister Rain arrived at the Viper Room, a popular Hollywood club. River was set to perform with his band P, which featured members of the Red Hot Chili Peppers and other famous bands, as well as Johnny Depp. In the days before, River and John Frusciante of the Red Hot Chili Peppers had been on a drug binge, taking cocaine and heroin. While performing, River reportedly told a friend that he felt sick and was worried about experiencing an overdose. The friend offered to take him home, but River declined, saying he felt better. Within minutes, Samantha Mathis was screaming, asking anyone to help River, who was having a seizure on the sidewalk outside.

It was Samantha who found River’s siblings inside the club and took them outside. While on the street, it was Joaquin who called 911 while Rain lay on top of River, trying to stop his convulsions. The news began to spread around the club, while River’s band continued to play on stage. Only one member, Flea of the Red Hot Chili Peppers left the stage and ran to help his friend. By that time, River was in cardiac arrest and being taken away by paramedics. Despite all efforts, River passed at 1:51 AM on Halloween, at the age of twenty-three.

That night, after finishing the movie, I couldn’t sleep. I spent the whole night sitting in my dark bedroom, my phone clutched between my hands. Wading through Google searches, Wikipedia articles, YouTube videos. I probably went through hundreds of links that night, learning all I could about River Phoenix and his short life. And what I learned is that he was a miraculous person. From growing up in a religious cult to becoming a prominent environmental activist in Hollywood. He always cared about what was kind, and right, and used his voice for good. Despite everything that happened to him, all he had endured, he still seemed to hold hope for the world. It’s not difficult to see similarities between River and Chris Chambers, the role that made him a household name.  

In the seven years since I first watched Stand by Me, I have watched it over and over again. It’s become a major part of my life. Every year, on the summer solstice, my family and I sit down to watch it. And again on River’s birthday. And anytime I feel sad. There’s just something so special about it, something so important to me it’s difficult to put into words. Just like Gordie never had friends like the one he had when he was twelve: I have never seen another movie that changed me as much as the one I saw when I was twelve. Jesus, has anyone?