Recipe: How to Make a Bad Day

By Greg Meyer

• 5 big cups of assignments due today that you procrastinated on

• A teaspoon of horrible traffic

• A pinch of lemon juice as if your day isn’t sour enough

• Put your brain into a blender and just lay in bed the rest of the day

• Chop your future into pieces by gambling away your savings. Uh oh, you had bad luck at the casino (I’ve never done that, but if you wanted to ruin your day that’s one way of doing it)

• Turn your humiliation up to 400 degrees with flashbacks of every embarrassing thing you ever did 

• Stir dread, low self-esteem, and loneliness over and over again for a long time

• Separate getting fired from getting dumped on the same day to avoid cross contamination.

• Give up on your bad day recipe and work to turn things around 

• Start cooking up some job resumes 

• Thaw out an organized schedule to do homework and sleep at responsible times

• Continue letting your new routine marinate and simmer for weeks

-The only problem is… you don’t really feel like it

-I don’t want too either

-Actually, let’s keep making our bad day, since the alternative is pointless

-Life is too short for routine

-To keep making your day and your entire life bad, add 2 drops of acceptance

-The acceptance of the fact that others will call you a lazy bum but you feel alive and that’s all that matters

-But don’t you want to “contribute to society?”

-No, not really, most people just work because they have to in order to survive

-Humans are so selfish, aren’t they? Why should you or anyone else be any different?

-Yes, that reminds me of another step on how to ruin your day or entire life

-Add a gallon of selfishness into your mix of life 

-And by selfishness, I mean distancing yourself from all your friends, being rude to them, judging their very existence, everything flaw you can think of

-Most people do it. Do you have any idea how judgmental people are? That’s why the next ingredient is very important

-Add a layer of not caring what other people think about you

-To prevent the temperature from boiling over from all the drama with your friends you just caused, block them on all social media. 

• And now your bad day is complete. You have nothing to care about and nothing to lose. That can be the greatest gift there is. A life of no worries, just relaxation and freedom. However, you did not even need this recipe because this was just a list of the regular behaviors of our society. The people on this planet who do not care about consequences or responsibility often directly or indirectly hurt the good people in the world who do care. Do you really think society would have even half the problems it does if the rich and powerful cared about you? Not a chance, but never stop trying to make a difference anyway.